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Once of the most frustrating things about being single – even if you’re happily uncoupled and have no immediate desire to get into the dating game and meet someone special – is the fact that every single person you meet seems to have an opinion, and advice to share with you.
They might be well meaning, but let’s be honest here… They can also be seriously annoying, and in no way helpful. Here are five things that you need to stop saying to single people.
“The right one will come along when you’re least expecting it”
Ahh, the cliche that single people hear on the regular! It’s a nice thought, and it’s one that plenty of people but into it. But I also believe that it can actually be quite damaging. In an ideal world, of course love would come easily. But this isn’t an ideal world, and this often just doesn’t happen.
Why this one really frustrates me is that it leads to people feeling guilty or uncomfortable about deciding that they’re going to proactively start looking for a loving and lasting relationship. If you want to start dating, and you want to take the bull by the horns and make it happen, then there’s absolutely no shame in that. For a further explanation of why this is something you should stop saying to single people, check out this great piece from Bolde.
“You don’t know how lucky you are!”
This one is usually the preface of a rant about how annoying someone’s partner is, and how they miss their single life. You’ll hear stories of socks left on the bathroom floor, crumbs left in the butter tray, and never getting a good night’s sleep thanks to their other half snoring like a bear.
When a conversation starts with this sentence, you’re about to be objected to a long and boring rant that’s entirely about their own circumstances. Sorry, but we all know that it’s true. And to us single people, it also stinks of not knowing how lucky you really are. This is a biggie that you really need to stop saying to single people.
“Have you thought about signing up to one of those dating apps?”
Dating apps are hardly new, and us single people are more than aware that they exist. In fact, one of the UK’s biggest dating sites. Match.com, boasts over 3 million registered users. Many of us are already using them – perhaps unsuccessfully, in some cases – and we don’t really need to be reminded that they’re an option.
So yes, we’ve thought about signing up for them. But maybe we’ve decided that we’ve got other priorities in our lives right now and so dating isn’t a key objective, or perhaps we just want to discuss our dating adventures with anyone who happens to ask about. At the end of the day, dating can be quite a private thing, and we probably don’t want advice that we didn’t ask for.
“So how’s your love life right now?”
If you’re a singleton who’s visiting family at Christmas, or you’ve bumped into an old friend at the pub, then this is something that you’re almost definitely going to hear. The reality is that we might just not want to talk about it. It would be frowned upon for us to ask you about the state of your marriage, so why should things be any different when it’s the other way around?
The bottom line here is that if a single person in your life wants you to know about their dating escapades, they’ll tell you. But please don’t pressure them into feeling like they have to share all the ins and outs.
“I know someone who would be just perfect for you…”
Personally, I’m not completely shut off to the idea of dating a friend of a friend. In many ways, it’s the ideal scenario. But what people usually mean when they say this is ‘I know someone who is also single’. More often than not, they’ve given to thought to whether the two of you may have things in common, or whether you would be compatible.
Again, it also assumes that we aren’t happy with our single status, and that we’re desperately trying to meet a partner, which just isn’t always the case.
We know that you probably do mean well. We know that you might just be trying to make pleasant conversation, or just help us out. But considering the things that you really should stop saying to single people would be doing us a huge favour!
Are there any additional things that you’d add to this list? Leave a comment below and share your thoughts!
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If you’re dating in your 30s, then you’ll know it often feels like a completely different kettle of fish. You’re not alone, either… research shows that here in the UK, we’re settling down with a partner at a much older age than in previous generations.
Dating in your 20s might have been full of reckless abandon, but things definitely shift as you start to get a little bit older.
That doesn’t have to be a bad thing. But it’s important to know what you can expect, and how your own desires, needs, and behaviours are likely to change. Here’s why dating in your 30s is totally different…
You know your own mind and exactly what you want
By now, you’ve got a stronger sense of self, and you have no doubts about what it really is that you’re looking for. You’re less likely to be willing to compromise, and you won’t waste your time on things that you know won’t ultimately give you what you want. Whilst your 2os were about experimenting, you don’t feel like you have to try new things anymore.
Depending on how you look at it, this can be a good thing or a bad thing. It means that you’re less likely to waste your time, or go down a path that will lead to nowhere. But do be mindful of becoming so stuck in your ways that you miss out on potentially meaningful experiences. Every now and again, step back and consider whether you might be a little too stuck in your ways.
Your dates are likely to have more ‘baggage’
This might not be the most comfortable thing to discuss, but if you’re dating in your 30s, you’re likely to know that this is true. The people you meet are likely to have several failed relationships under the belts. They might be divorced, and they might also have children. Of course, these things can really change the dynamic of any developing relationship.
Remember though that you have a past too, and it doesn’t necessarily have to define who you are. If someone having a child is a deal breaker for you, then that’s completely fine. But you do need to be aware that this is often the reality of dating in your 30s, and you might be really narrowing down your options.
You’re less willing to just ‘see how things go’
If you’re not sure about someone when you’re in your 20s, you’re often willing to continue to go on a few dates and see how things work out. You’re in no rush, and getting into a committed relationship isn’t your key priority.
As you get a little older though, you’re more conscious of wasting your time. You know what you ultimately want – whether that be cohabiting, marriage, kids, or something else – and you’ve come to recognise that if something has little potential to go in that direction, then there’s no point in pursuing it. Doing this doesn’t mean you’re ruthless or cold. It just means that you won’t compromise on the life that you want.
You realise that you need to put yourself in the driving seat
When you’re younger, you’re happy to just see how things go when it comes to dating. You might meet someone in a bar who takes your fancy, or you might decide that you’ll casually sign up to a few dating apps to see what all the fuss is about.
In your 30s, you often get much more proactive. You use dating apps not just to see what all the fuss is about, but because you’ve got a free night next week, and you want to go on a date with someone who could be your future partner. You stop waiting for things to fall into place, and you start making things happen.
Dating in your 30s can seem much more serious, but never forget that it should always be fun and rewarding. It’s what you make it, and a positive mindset can really go a long way.
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Got an overwhelming urge to text your ex? Feel like you really need to see what they’re up to, how things are going, or if they fancy catching up sometime in the near future?
I’ll get straight to the point here… Don’t do it. It’s likely to be a very bad idea, and one that definitely isn’t going to serve you in the longer term.
If you’re not convinced, then you’re in the right place. These are 3 very big and important reasons why you shouldn’t text your ex…
He’s your ex for a reason
The cold, hard truth here is that if things were great between you, you wouldn’t have split up in the first place, and they wouldn’t be your ex. Maybe one of you simply wasn’t feeling the relationship, or you had other priorities in your lives that had to be given a driving seat. Whatever the reasons are, it’s likely that they still exist.
When you have an urge to text your ex, it’s likely that your emotions are taking over and preventing you from seeing this kind of logic. You’re blanking out the things that you know to be true, and acting based on something that isn’t actually the case.
It can stop you from moving on
Think about a few of the reasons why you might want to text your ex, and be really honest with yourself. In many cases, it’s because you hope that things might be reignited. The truth is that when you’re stuck in this way of thinking, you’re stopping yourself from moving on. That could be moving on to a new relationship, or simply being happy on your own.
The relationship might be over in the physical sense, but the fact that you’re thinking about maintaining contact indicates that something different is going on in your mind. You need to have an open conversation with yourself about embracing a future without your ex in it, whatever that might look like. If you need a little help, read this guide to getting over a breakup.
What can you possibly gain from it?
Take a little while to think about this one. Getting in touch with a previous significant ex can have numerous short term benefits. It might give you a boost of confidence if you still feel wanted or desired, or it could lull you into a false sense of thinking that you might get back together.
Whatever your answers are to this question, it’s likely to be something that you know isn’t for your ultimate best. On the other hand, think about what you could gain from deciding that you won’t get in touch. That list might include a renewed self esteem, more confidence, and excitement for what the future could hold once you’ve completely moved on.
Deep down, you probably know that you really shouldn’t text your ex. But hey, that doesn’t mean that you won’t occasionally get that urge. My best advice here, if you’re really adamant, is this… Wait until tomorrow. Sleep on it. If it still seems like a good idea, then maybe it actually is. But it’s definitely not something that you should charge into without any proper consideration.